Shouldn’t parenting come naturally to me?

I hope that loving your child comes naturally to you, but no I don’t think parenting should come naturally. Parenting is a verb, it is an action, the Cambridge dictionary defines parenting as: the raising of children and all the responsibilities and activities that are involved with it. Think about that for a moment, it is a lot to take on.

Parenting, like many other things, is a skill that you need to learn. As a parent sometimes you won’t always know what to do. How do you handle it when your two-year-old refuses to eat anything besides 2 or 3 foods? What do you do when your 5 year old resists getting dressed? These moments crop up over and over but there isn’t one exact correct solution; what works for one family might not work for another family, and you may even notice that what works for one of your children doesn’t work for another child. As you’ve already experienced, parenting is really hard work and the notion that parenting should come naturally or be easy if you just love your child enough should be thrown into a deep, fiery pit. I’ve never met a person yet who knows everything about all subjects, and parenting is no different; there is no shame in asking for help with what you don’t know, needing help doesn’t make you a bad parent.

I’m concerned that my child might have ADHD/sensory issues/a learning disability, can you diagnose them?

Unfortunately no. I am not a medical or mental health professional so my advice is not a substitute for an official diagnosis from a doctor, therapist, or other qualified professional. Parents frequently ask if their child’s behavior is “normal” or “typical” for their age and that is something we can discuss. I’ve dealt with literally hundreds of children over the years so I can tell you, based on my own experience, if what you are seeing falls within the range of what I usually see from children of that age. If I think it might be a good idea for you to seek outside help I’ll let you know, but I am not able to provide you with any sort of professional diagnosis.

There are lots of books and resources online, why would I hire someone rather than turning to those?

We have access to so many resources on nearly any topic now, and at times it can be a bit overwhelming. There are a lot of great resources available and I encourage you to use them, but let’s be honest, simply finding the time and energy to read through books or sort through parenting blogs can be difficult. Even if you do find the time to read and research, how do you know what advice to follow? Some of the advice can be contradictory and it’s sometimes difficult to figure out how to turn some of the concepts into real life action. I’m here to help you cut through some of the noise, consider me an enhancement to what you may have already learned. I want to teach you with practical solutions you can implement right away.

What can I expect when I work with you?

My goal is to provide practical solutions to your parenting problems that will work for you and your family. We’ll start with a free 15 minute consultation where we briefly talk about the areas you want help with. Issues can be as narrow as getting your three-year-old to be more open to trying different foods, or as broad as setting boundaries and limits with your kids. I’m here to discover what your needs are as a parent and then help you with solutions to meet those needs. Depending on the issue, one coaching session may be enough to problem solve and develop tools to help you, but some issues might be more involved and take more time. You don’t need to worry about being locked into a particular amount of coaching upfront, we will figure how much time you’ll need as we delve into things.

What parenting philosophies are you aligned with?

I don’t believe there is any one perfect parenting philosophy that is THE TRUE ANSWER for all parents and children. It would be nice to have but humans are simply too complex for a one-size-fits-all approach. I’ve become familiar with several approaches to teaching and taking care of children, such as Montessori and RIE, but a lot of my work has come from observing people I’ve worked with, a daycare director was particularly instrumental in shaping the way I work with children. I’ve learned by doing and when what I’m doing doesn’t work I change my approach. My practices have changed over the years, which I think is a good thing.

If I had to sum up my own philosophies I’d say that I believe children are quite capable, often more capable than we give them credit for. I believe a consistent approach and clear boundaries relieve stress on children and adults. I believe in giving as much autonomy as possible to children with consideration to their age and developmental stage. I’ve also found working with children is a bit like being part of an improv troop, you need to have the flexibility to be ready for anything and the willingness to change what you’re doing at the drop of a hat.

I know I’d be a better parent if I just had more time and money.

I’m not going to lie, more time and more money sounds great, by all means sign me up. Both time and money certainly have the possibility of making life easier, but they don’t guarantee anything. I believe that you are fully capable of becoming a better parent with the resources you have now, you’re here so I’m confident you want to improve. With a willingness to change, and a willingness to put in the energy and work I’ll help you find the skills you need to communicate more effectively with your children, to make your day go more smoothly, and hopeful to find more enjoyment in parenting.